Deep and Wide
April 28, 2010
Hello again, it’s been a while but not all that long. I ended last blog on a busy note, and since then the tidal wave of projects has subsided and I am actually left quite free from stressors and can afford to take my time on things.
We started milk collection in Dimla!! The first day was...well a first day; everything went wrong. However Mokhles, Sidul and I were there for that very reason and we figured things out...mostly. We are working with Milk Vita (a farmer co-op with government backing), which is actually a good program. Most of the high-ups seem to genuinely care about the industry and the farmers. The man at the area center where we sell is a bit of a...well he just give off the shady vibe. He also indirectly suggested (from what I could tell) that we skim more off the top. However, it is still our best option. It serves our goal to increase availability to different markets. It is really far to their collection center however, so we give the evening milk (which is 1/3 to 2/3 less than AM milk) to BRAC. They have a center in Dimla. When we get enough milk in the evenings (~150L) we will van gari or nosiman (2 wheeled tractor with flatbed) it into Domar where the MV plant is located. We got 95L yesterday morning (the second day) and 120 the next. We are now consistently around 110 to 130L in the mornings and 30L in the evenings. I think it will grow. We just need it to grow fast because right now we have to subsidize the transport. We aren't sending enough to cover the transport to Domar. I really think it will come though. Its already doing its job- people are getting a better price from all area markets. However, we need to make it sustainable, and as of now it is not. I think it will come.
Oh yes and we opened our AI centers this week! We have chutes (metal places to restrain the cows) and all. We are getting semen from the gov. and we purchased the liquid N and tanks from Dhaka. There are some kinks yet to iron out. On both the milk and ai centers we need better book keeping. I had designed a system for the semen tanks that also kept record of N levels, but some people seem to think they are too difficult. Having taken a lot of time to arrange ideas to get only the information we needed in a quick and concise manner, I was disappointed when they were vetoed. I find myself after four years in Asia being quite a stickler on record keeping. Other people don't seem to be. Anyway, we opened them and seem to have had over-the-top liquid N losses. I am trying to figure that out now, but we don't have any records of it other than mental notes. Anyway, we'll work it out.
Other work notes:
• Finishing UTS video
• Preparing proposal for NZAID to get a blade shearing training in Bangladesh.
• Meetings on next years research projects.
• Meetings on values training
On to personal stuff. Since getting back from Cambodia, I have been having much internal conflict. A lot of this has to do with the uncertainty of what will happen after I finish my contract in July, trying to find God's will and wondering why it deviates so much from the plan I thought would be good for my life. Don't get me wrong, I know God's plan is best and I will seek and do it even if I don't want to too. I know it will always work out for the good of those who love God, even if I can't always see that good ending from the get go. It's like sometimes when I am driving a car and I think, “it would be so cool to jump this bridge and land on top of that semi, like they do in the movies.” Although it may be fun for a short while, in the end I would probably suffer from a severe case of deadness. If I go straight I'll probably live and who knows maybe I'll hit a sweet on ramp. Those are fun and don't usually induce deadness. I think that is what following God's will is like for me sometimes. I don't know if that makes sense to you. Maybe if it does you are as nuts as me. Who knows?
I also have financial fears. Not the normal type, I am concerned about getting a job that pays well. It is easy for me to depend on God at this point in my life. I have no money to fall back on, no family to have to support, and not a whole lot around me to want. If I make money and am back in the states there will be this “stuff” that other people have and I don't. That will make it hard. Here I also have a tight group of Christian friends all living in a similar situation. I feel God is calling me to live “radically” and in a way that won't be easy. I say this because I had a dream. Now normally I don't pull anything out of dreams that is significant, but this particular dream I did. I put more clout behind this because God was there. I didn't see God, but there is no doubt God was there. I was swimming in my pond at home and there was a great whirlpool pulling me to the center. Just beneath the surface of the water were the New and Old Testaments of the Bible; not like pages...but they were there. It was rough and I was trying to swim out of this terrible whirlpool that was pulling me down. God was there though, always, and the Bible was supporting me in the water. So there I was trying to swim to God when I awoke. While at retreat 3weeks earlier I had used a whirlpool picture on my “river of life” to signify my college year which were tough and rewarding. See? It is a good one, no? So...living radically and following God through rough waters....here I come!
At the same time as all this God's will searching, I was also having some self doubts. I care way to much what other people think of me. I let people have the power to make me feel bad about myself. I am changing this now. I was walking down the street near shath matha in Bogra one evening. I was already feeling low because earlier that day I had let someones unkind words sink in and affect me. Then someone on the street grabbed me inappropriately. Having someone treat you like that is terrible. It is like you are nothing other than an object, a remote control to lose in the couch when you are finished with TV watching. I was so angry; I forgot all my good bangla retorts except for asking him if he had no shame. After I got that one bangla phrase in I just yell some un-family, sailor-like comments at the man. He had run across the street and I wanted to give chase, but it was Shat Matha and he ran through a gap that came and went in seconds. If you know traffic in Bangladesh, you know why I couldn't cross the street. Anyway, I was so angry I walked all the way home (6km?). I was still seething with anger. I basically couldn't eat for the next 5 days because the anger sat in my stomach. I am better now though. I am also now making it a point to take some good advice I learned in a movie (The Princess Diaries), and that is, “No one can make you feel bad about yourself, without your consent.” Just as I make a conscious effort to choose to be happy in all situations, I now also choose to not give my consent to people who try- be it direct or indirect- to make me feel bad about myself. I will no longer give my consent to let others make me feel bad about me!
So, its been a busy month and an emotional roller coaster. Go Team!
Oh! And I got caught in a downpour. That was a good thing because I love the rain!
Thank you all for listening.
Peace,
Jodi
Hello again, it’s been a while but not all that long. I ended last blog on a busy note, and since then the tidal wave of projects has subsided and I am actually left quite free from stressors and can afford to take my time on things.
We started milk collection in Dimla!! The first day was...well a first day; everything went wrong. However Mokhles, Sidul and I were there for that very reason and we figured things out...mostly. We are working with Milk Vita (a farmer co-op with government backing), which is actually a good program. Most of the high-ups seem to genuinely care about the industry and the farmers. The man at the area center where we sell is a bit of a...well he just give off the shady vibe. He also indirectly suggested (from what I could tell) that we skim more off the top. However, it is still our best option. It serves our goal to increase availability to different markets. It is really far to their collection center however, so we give the evening milk (which is 1/3 to 2/3 less than AM milk) to BRAC. They have a center in Dimla. When we get enough milk in the evenings (~150L) we will van gari or nosiman (2 wheeled tractor with flatbed) it into Domar where the MV plant is located. We got 95L yesterday morning (the second day) and 120 the next. We are now consistently around 110 to 130L in the mornings and 30L in the evenings. I think it will grow. We just need it to grow fast because right now we have to subsidize the transport. We aren't sending enough to cover the transport to Domar. I really think it will come though. Its already doing its job- people are getting a better price from all area markets. However, we need to make it sustainable, and as of now it is not. I think it will come.
Oh yes and we opened our AI centers this week! We have chutes (metal places to restrain the cows) and all. We are getting semen from the gov. and we purchased the liquid N and tanks from Dhaka. There are some kinks yet to iron out. On both the milk and ai centers we need better book keeping. I had designed a system for the semen tanks that also kept record of N levels, but some people seem to think they are too difficult. Having taken a lot of time to arrange ideas to get only the information we needed in a quick and concise manner, I was disappointed when they were vetoed. I find myself after four years in Asia being quite a stickler on record keeping. Other people don't seem to be. Anyway, we opened them and seem to have had over-the-top liquid N losses. I am trying to figure that out now, but we don't have any records of it other than mental notes. Anyway, we'll work it out.
Other work notes:
• Finishing UTS video
• Preparing proposal for NZAID to get a blade shearing training in Bangladesh.
• Meetings on next years research projects.
• Meetings on values training
On to personal stuff. Since getting back from Cambodia, I have been having much internal conflict. A lot of this has to do with the uncertainty of what will happen after I finish my contract in July, trying to find God's will and wondering why it deviates so much from the plan I thought would be good for my life. Don't get me wrong, I know God's plan is best and I will seek and do it even if I don't want to too. I know it will always work out for the good of those who love God, even if I can't always see that good ending from the get go. It's like sometimes when I am driving a car and I think, “it would be so cool to jump this bridge and land on top of that semi, like they do in the movies.” Although it may be fun for a short while, in the end I would probably suffer from a severe case of deadness. If I go straight I'll probably live and who knows maybe I'll hit a sweet on ramp. Those are fun and don't usually induce deadness. I think that is what following God's will is like for me sometimes. I don't know if that makes sense to you. Maybe if it does you are as nuts as me. Who knows?
I also have financial fears. Not the normal type, I am concerned about getting a job that pays well. It is easy for me to depend on God at this point in my life. I have no money to fall back on, no family to have to support, and not a whole lot around me to want. If I make money and am back in the states there will be this “stuff” that other people have and I don't. That will make it hard. Here I also have a tight group of Christian friends all living in a similar situation. I feel God is calling me to live “radically” and in a way that won't be easy. I say this because I had a dream. Now normally I don't pull anything out of dreams that is significant, but this particular dream I did. I put more clout behind this because God was there. I didn't see God, but there is no doubt God was there. I was swimming in my pond at home and there was a great whirlpool pulling me to the center. Just beneath the surface of the water were the New and Old Testaments of the Bible; not like pages...but they were there. It was rough and I was trying to swim out of this terrible whirlpool that was pulling me down. God was there though, always, and the Bible was supporting me in the water. So there I was trying to swim to God when I awoke. While at retreat 3weeks earlier I had used a whirlpool picture on my “river of life” to signify my college year which were tough and rewarding. See? It is a good one, no? So...living radically and following God through rough waters....here I come!
At the same time as all this God's will searching, I was also having some self doubts. I care way to much what other people think of me. I let people have the power to make me feel bad about myself. I am changing this now. I was walking down the street near shath matha in Bogra one evening. I was already feeling low because earlier that day I had let someones unkind words sink in and affect me. Then someone on the street grabbed me inappropriately. Having someone treat you like that is terrible. It is like you are nothing other than an object, a remote control to lose in the couch when you are finished with TV watching. I was so angry; I forgot all my good bangla retorts except for asking him if he had no shame. After I got that one bangla phrase in I just yell some un-family, sailor-like comments at the man. He had run across the street and I wanted to give chase, but it was Shat Matha and he ran through a gap that came and went in seconds. If you know traffic in Bangladesh, you know why I couldn't cross the street. Anyway, I was so angry I walked all the way home (6km?). I was still seething with anger. I basically couldn't eat for the next 5 days because the anger sat in my stomach. I am better now though. I am also now making it a point to take some good advice I learned in a movie (The Princess Diaries), and that is, “No one can make you feel bad about yourself, without your consent.” Just as I make a conscious effort to choose to be happy in all situations, I now also choose to not give my consent to people who try- be it direct or indirect- to make me feel bad about myself. I will no longer give my consent to let others make me feel bad about me!
So, its been a busy month and an emotional roller coaster. Go Team!
Oh! And I got caught in a downpour. That was a good thing because I love the rain!
Thank you all for listening.
Peace,
Jodi
posted by Jodi Crossgrove at
9:38 PM
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